For the leader, for Jeduthun. A psalm of David.
I
I said, “I will watch my ways,
lest I sin with my tongue;
I will keep a muzzle on my mouth.
Mute and silent before the wicked,
I refrain from good things.
But my sorrow increases;
my heart smolders within me.
In my sighing a fire blazes up,
and I break into speech:
II
Lord, let me know my end, the number of my days,
that I may learn how frail I am.
To be sure, you establish the expanse of my days;
indeed, my life is as nothing before you.
Every man is but a breath.
III
Man goes about as a mere phantom;
they hurry about, although in vain;
he heaps up stores without knowing for whom.
And now, Lord, for what do I wait?
You are my only hope.
From all my sins deliver me;
let me not be the taunt of fools.
I am silent and do not open my mouth
because you are the one who did this.
Take your plague away from me;
I am ravaged by the touch of your hand.
You chastise man with rebukes for sin;
like a moth you consume his treasures.
Every man is but a breath.
Listen to my prayer, Lord, hear my cry;
do not be deaf to my weeping!
For I am with you like a foreigner,
a refugee, like my ancestors.
Turn your gaze from me, that I may smile
before I depart to be no more.
Psalms 39:1-14
This is an interesting lament. The psalmist seems to go back and forth a bit between praising God and complaining to Him. Then again, I suppose that’s a natural human reaction to problems.
I was first struck by the beginning of section II. The psalmist begs, “Lord, let me know my end, the number of my days.” I imagine this is not an all together unusual prayer. Certainly, I have heard people talk about the idea of knowing when they will die.
What about you? Would you want to know? If you could somehow find out exactly when your days on earth will end, would you want that knowledge? I’m not really sure if I want to know or not.
Of course, there are people who suffer terrible illnesses, like cancer, who have a general idea of how much time they have left. Obviously no one wants to deal with all the pain and suffering of an illness, but I’m still wondering if it is comforting to have that perspective or just a deeper grief.
There was a country song that was popular a few years ago, “Live Like You Were Dying,” that deals with this thought. I just looked up the lyrics, which you can find here if you’d like to see the whole song. Let me just share the chorus:
“I went skydiving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I’d been denying”
And he said
“Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying”
by Tim McGraw
Now I can’t be sure, but it sounds like this song is recounting an actual conversation with a person suffering from a terminal illness. If so, it seems that this man’s experience included an appreciation for that insight. Also, in the second verse he says that he “finally read the Good Book,” which might be how he found such perspective.
So I’m still not sure. Maybe it is best that we not know when our hour will come. Then we should live our lives as if that hour is imminent. Recall the words of today’s psalm, “An now, Lord, for what do I wait? You are my only hope.”
I pray that we will all let God’s grace and mercy cause us to love deeper, speak sweeter, and give forgiveness generously, even though we “do not know on which day (our) Lord will come.” (Matthew 24:42)